Writer's Block: Critical mass

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It's all about how the criticism is presented.

First of all, context: If I ask for critique, or I'm in a situation that calls for critical feedback like a class, my job, or some sort of performance or competition, then I can accept relevant criticism as part of the deal. I like to do well at what I do so I usually take it to heart quite quickly, even if I'm initially hurt by the implication I was doing poorly before. However, I don't handle criticism well when I don't expect it. I've met a few people who take issue with this about me, saying that they can't feel obligated to *just tell me what I want to hear* and think that whenever they've got something "helpful" to say, they should say it-- but if you catch me off guard by telling me something I don't expect or want to hear, don't expect me to listen to you. In fact, expect me to put you on the blacklist of people I won't ever expose the more sensitive sides of myself to.

Second, source: If I don't know you or understand you to have any authority on the subject of what you're critiquing, I don't care to know your opinion. Under the First Amendment you're entitled to yap at me all you want, but I'm going to ignore you.

Third, manner: TACT, people. TACT. When discussing the pros and cons of complete honesty, everyone always acts like honesty has to be this brutal ego-shredding affair. There are ways to frame unpleasant information so it's more easily absorbed. If someone leads me in with a few compliments on what I did right I'm much more likely to trust them (and pay attention) when they point out what I did wrong. If you come on too strong and aggressive, I'm packing it up and high-tailing it out before you get the chance to rip my heart out and shit on it. In fact, chances are I will do exactly the opposite of what you want me to do just to be spiteful.

Depending on how invested I am, good criticism can sometimes hurt me at first but ultimately I'm gracious and usually take it to heart in order to change for the better. (Though on occasion I'll spurn even the most polite advice-- usually because after evaluating it I decide I like my way better, even if it does make for a mistake). However, when it comes to bad criticism, I don't even listen and I tend to dig my heels in and resist change just on point of principle.

I'm definitely, definitely more critical of myself than others. I hold myself to all sorts of ridiculous standards I wouldn't dream of applying to other people. I've forgiven friends for lying, abandonment, and even betrayal, but I can't forgive myself for things like having once unintentionally said something that could be construed as offensive. I've held some pretty impressive double-standards, actually, like congratulating someone on a C- while beating myself up over a B+, or telling a larger woman I think she's beautiful-- and being totally honest-- while believing I'd be intolerably ugly if I go over 130lbs.

I'm getting better about it, though; I've started not only to be easier on myself and more realistic in my personal expectations, but also to be a little more critical of other people by not just letting things slide when they offend me as I used to. I've definitely improved in the past couple of years, and it's done wonders for my stress level and self-image. Obviously I'd never want to believe I'm absolutely perfect and the world is this massive ball of ignorance that fails to appreciate me, but it was definitely unhealthy to fail to condemn people when they deserve it, especially while simultaneously beating myself up for failing to meet impossible standards.

Writer's Block: Critical mass

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It's all about how the criticism is presented.

First of all, context: If I ask for critique, or I'm in a situation that calls for critical feedback like a class, my job, or some sort of performance or competition, then I can accept relevant criticism as part of the deal. I like to do well at what I do so I usually take it to heart quite quickly, even if I'm initially hurt by the implication I was doing poorly before. However, I don't handle criticism well when I don't expect it. I've met a few people who take issue with this about me, saying that they can't feel obligated to *just tell me what I want to hear* and think that whenever they've got something "helpful" to say, they should say it-- but if you catch me off guard by telling me something I don't expect or want to hear, don't expect me to listen to you. In fact, expect me to put you on the blacklist of people I won't ever expose the more sensitive sides of myself to.

Second, source: If I don't know you or understand you to have any authority on the subject of what you're critiquing, I don't care to know your opinion. Under the First Amendment you're entitled to yap at me all you want, but I'm going to ignore you.

Third, manner: TACT, people. TACT. When discussing the pros and cons of complete honesty, everyone always acts like honesty has to be this brutal ego-shredding affair. There are ways to frame unpleasant information so it's more easily absorbed. If someone leads me in with a few compliments on what I did right I'm much more likely to trust them (and pay attention) when they point out what I did wrong. If you come on too strong and aggressive, I'm packing it up and high-tailing it out before you get the chance to rip my heart out and shit on it. In fact, chances are I will do exactly the opposite of what you want me to do just to be spiteful.

Depending on how invested I am, good criticism can sometimes hurt me at first but ultimately I'm gracious and usually take it to heart in order to change for the better. (Though on occasion I'll spurn even the most polite advice-- usually because after evaluating it I decide I like my way better, even if it does make for a mistake). However, when it comes to bad criticism, I don't even listen and I tend to dig my heels in and resist change just on point of principle.

I'm definitely, definitely more critical of myself than others. I hold myself to all sorts of ridiculous standards I wouldn't dream of applying to other people. I've forgiven friends for lying, abandonment, and even betrayal, but I can't forgive myself for things like having once unintentionally said something that could be construed as offensive. I've held some pretty impressive double-standards, actually, like congratulating someone on a C- while beating myself up over a B+, or telling a larger woman I think she's beautiful-- and being totally honest-- while believing I'd be intolerably ugly if I go over 130lbs.

I'm getting better about it, though; I've started not only to be easier on myself and more realistic in my personal expectations, but also to be a little more critical of other people by not just letting things slide when they offend me as I used to. I've definitely improved in the past couple of years, and it's done wonders for my stress level and self-image. Obviously I'd never want to believe I'm absolutely perfect and the world is this massive ball of ignorance that fails to appreciate me, but it was definitely unhealthy to fail to condemn people when they deserve it, especially while simultaneously beating myself up for failing to meet impossible standards.

Writer's Block: Seasons in the sun

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Well, if this question wasn't specifically designed for me or what . . .

The seasons-- particularly winter-- greatly affect my mood, and I've had no better proof of that than this past winter. However, I've long suspected I have seasonal affective disorder, which my mother and sister also seem to suffer from-- and I also have a very strong aversion to the cold, so cold weather stirs in me a perpetual low-level state of irritation. I hesitate to say I have "cold intolerance" because I do survive the cold-- living where I have, I've always had to-- but I've observed how my mood does a 180 depending on whether the thermometer is above or below 50F/10C. I realized as early as 4th grade that January was always the worst time of year for me-- the accumulation of several contemporaneous stressors (things like science fair and violin solo/ensemble competition) all at the moment I was least equipped to handle them. Someone could probably do a sweep of my Livejournal entries to determine that mid to late winter is when the bulk of my most self-indulgent and depressing entries appear.

I don't do a lot about it, honestly, and I probably should do more since particularly this year the winter depression has really gotten in the way. I never went out; as much as I complained about being lonely I know I perpetuated things by turning down the few offered opportunities simply because I couldn't be motivated to get up off my ass and go out in the weather, or move from my hard-won heated living room to somewhere that might not be as well-heated. I can tell I'm chattier and bubblier now that it's warm at school, when for the past four months I'd pretty much showed up in a sulk and felt ready to bite the head off anyone who made what I often interpreted as patronizing comments about the weather-- because when you're bundled up in seven layers with 8 self-heating kairo pads stuck to your extremities, really suffering because of the cold and lack of light, it just seems rude to hear someone point out "Gee, it's cold outside, isn't it?" as if you haven't noticed. My Persephone comparison is really apt: For the temperate months, I'm normal and happy, but the cold transforms me into a cold-hearted ice queen.

One reason I'm not particularly motivated to get into SAD therapy or buy a light box or something is that I've not only considered moving to another climate, but I'm planning on it. While LA probably would not have been my top choice if Robert weren't there already, in addition to Robert's presence and (hopefully) the job opportunities in my chosen field, the weather makes me really excited about the prospect of living there. Of course, LA still has winter-- the sun still shines less in the sky during three months of the year-- but I'm hoping the fact said sun will seldom be clouded over and still shine down to create warm weather will counteract that. If not LA, I still think I'd choose someplace below the Mason-Dixon line (pretend it spreads across the entire US), St. Louis-level at the most northern. Of course, the US is not buttfuckingly retarded backwards in regards to central heating practices, so I'd probably be happier in Minneapolis or Buffalo than I was in palm-tree-happy (HOW DOES THAT EVEN HAPPEN?) Hagi these past months, but I think I really need a complete break from the cold for a while. I've had enough.

( More Song Meme BECAUSE IT IS ADDICTING!!! )

Lol, this is probably the perfect post to mention I've been noticing a weird behavior brought on by the recent spring weather. I had an overwhelming drive to "hibernate" during the winter months, coming home to nap for a few hours after work because it was the easiest way to avoid the cold: crawl under the electric blanket and flee from it into unconsciousness. But just as I was getting over that, I'm noticing the same problem from the warm weather. By mid-afternoon (around 3:00) I get this overwhelming desire to just flop over and fall asleep-- and when I do, I usually don't wake up until two or three hours later. My family used to observe the phenomenon of feeling tired during the onset of spring as "spring fever" (which apparently is the proper use; thank, you Wikipedia), but I can't recall ever actually sleeping so much during it.

Maybe by May I'll finally be something other than a lump under my kotatsu, lol.

Writer's Block: Seasons in the sun

[Error: unknown template qotd]

Well, if this question wasn't specifically designed for me or what . . .

The seasons-- particularly winter-- greatly affect my mood, and I've had no better proof of that than this past winter. However, I've long suspected I have seasonal affective disorder, which my mother and sister also seem to suffer from-- and I also have a very strong aversion to the cold, so cold weather stirs in me a perpetual low-level state of irritation. I hesitate to say I have "cold intolerance" because I do survive the cold-- living where I have, I've always had to-- but I've observed how my mood does a 180 depending on whether the thermometer is above or below 50F/10C. I realized as early as 4th grade that January was always the worst time of year for me-- the accumulation of several contemporaneous stressors (things like science fair and violin solo/ensemble competition) all at the moment I was least equipped to handle them. Someone could probably do a sweep of my Livejournal entries to determine that mid to late winter is when the bulk of my most self-indulgent and depressing entries appear.

I don't do a lot about it, honestly, and I probably should do more since particularly this year the winter depression has really gotten in the way. I never went out; as much as I complained about being lonely I know I perpetuated things by turning down the few offered opportunities simply because I couldn't be motivated to get up off my ass and go out in the weather, or move from my hard-won heated living room to somewhere that might not be as well-heated. I can tell I'm chattier and bubblier now that it's warm at school, when for the past four months I'd pretty much showed up in a sulk and felt ready to bite the head off anyone who made what I often interpreted as patronizing comments about the weather-- because when you're bundled up in seven layers with 8 self-heating kairo pads stuck to your extremities, really suffering because of the cold and lack of light, it just seems rude to hear someone point out "Gee, it's cold outside, isn't it?" as if you haven't noticed. My Persephone comparison is really apt: For the temperate months, I'm normal and happy, but the cold transforms me into a cold-hearted ice queen.

One reason I'm not particularly motivated to get into SAD therapy or buy a light box or something is that I've not only considered moving to another climate, but I'm planning on it. While LA probably would not have been my top choice if Robert weren't there already, in addition to Robert's presence and (hopefully) the job opportunities in my chosen field, the weather makes me really excited about the prospect of living there. Of course, LA still has winter-- the sun still shines less in the sky during three months of the year-- but I'm hoping the fact said sun will seldom be clouded over and still shine down to create warm weather will counteract that. If not LA, I still think I'd choose someplace below the Mason-Dixon line (pretend it spreads across the entire US), St. Louis-level at the most northern. Of course, the US is not buttfuckingly retarded backwards in regards to central heating practices, so I'd probably be happier in Minneapolis or Buffalo than I was in palm-tree-happy (HOW DOES THAT EVEN HAPPEN?) Hagi these past months, but I think I really need a complete break from the cold for a while. I've had enough.

( More Song Meme BECAUSE IT IS ADDICTING!!! )

Lol, this is probably the perfect post to mention I've been noticing a weird behavior brought on by the recent spring weather. I had an overwhelming drive to "hibernate" during the winter months, coming home to nap for a few hours after work because it was the easiest way to avoid the cold: crawl under the electric blanket and flee from it into unconsciousness. But just as I was getting over that, I'm noticing the same problem from the warm weather. By mid-afternoon (around 3:00) I get this overwhelming desire to just flop over and fall asleep-- and when I do, I usually don't wake up until two or three hours later. My family used to observe the phenomenon of feeling tired during the onset of spring as "spring fever" (which apparently is the proper use; thank, you Wikipedia), but I can't recall ever actually sleeping so much during it.

Maybe by May I'll finally be something other than a lump under my kotatsu, lol.