Writer's Block: Seasons in the sun
Apr. 9th, 2010 08:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Well, if this question wasn't specifically designed for me or what . . .
The seasons-- particularly winter-- greatly affect my mood, and I've had no better proof of that than this past winter. However, I've long suspected I have seasonal affective disorder, which my mother and sister also seem to suffer from-- and I also have a very strong aversion to the cold, so cold weather stirs in me a perpetual low-level state of irritation. I hesitate to say I have "cold intolerance" because I do survive the cold-- living where I have, I've always had to-- but I've observed how my mood does a 180 depending on whether the thermometer is above or below 50F/10C. I realized as early as 4th grade that January was always the worst time of year for me-- the accumulation of several contemporaneous stressors (things like science fair and violin solo/ensemble competition) all at the moment I was least equipped to handle them. Someone could probably do a sweep of my Livejournal entries to determine that mid to late winter is when the bulk of my most self-indulgent and depressing entries appear.
I don't do a lot about it, honestly, and I probably should do more since particularly this year the winter depression has really gotten in the way. I never went out; as much as I complained about being lonely I know I perpetuated things by turning down the few offered opportunities simply because I couldn't be motivated to get up off my ass and go out in the weather, or move from my hard-won heated living room to somewhere that might not be as well-heated. I can tell I'm chattier and bubblier now that it's warm at school, when for the past four months I'd pretty much showed up in a sulk and felt ready to bite the head off anyone who made what I often interpreted as patronizing comments about the weather-- because when you're bundled up in seven layers with 8 self-heating kairo pads stuck to your extremities, really suffering because of the cold and lack of light, it just seems rude to hear someone point out "Gee, it's cold outside, isn't it?" as if you haven't noticed. My Persephone comparison is really apt: For the temperate months, I'm normal and happy, but the cold transforms me into a cold-hearted ice queen.
One reason I'm not particularly motivated to get into SAD therapy or buy a light box or something is that I've not only considered moving to another climate, but I'm planning on it. While LA probably would not have been my top choice if Robert weren't there already, in addition to Robert's presence and (hopefully) the job opportunities in my chosen field, the weather makes me really excited about the prospect of living there. Of course, LA still has winter-- the sun still shines less in the sky during three months of the year-- but I'm hoping the fact said sun will seldom be clouded over and still shine down to create warm weather will counteract that. If not LA, I still think I'd choose someplace below the Mason-Dixon line (pretend it spreads across the entire US), St. Louis-level at the most northern. Of course, the US is notbuttfuckingly retarded backwards in regards to central heating practices, so I'd probably be happier in Minneapolis or Buffalo than I was in palm-tree-happy (HOW DOES THAT EVEN HAPPEN?) Hagi these past months, but I think I really need a complete break from the cold for a while. I've had enough.
I gotta feeling
The stars lean down to kiss you
Four little words just to get me alone
I feel a hunger
Markie got with Sharon
You see her; you can't touch her
Spend all your time waiting
Whenever I'm alone with you
Your wild lies always start
I'm not loving you
Am I throwing you off?
You're too important for anyone
Ever close your eyes?
We are young
Oh, they like to get you in a compromising position
I got my sight set on you
You get a shiver in the dark
Boys call you sexy
Take a breath
We are the crowd
I did this one last night and had to post it. It's so creeper; I got the vibe the narrator was a jealous abuser. The last stanza actually gives me chills, it's like this weird feeling of the most intimate being exposed.
Seeing what happens if you just pull from one artist's discography:
Fame and Money
A Lady Gaga Poem
I can't help myself
I like it rough
Beautiful, dirty, dirty, rich, rich, beautiful
That's m-o-n-e-y, so sexy
Snow White Dreaming
An Evanescence Poem
Stoplight, lock the door
I'm so tired of being here
I still remember the world
How can I pretend that I don't see?
Perfect by nature
I can't see your star
Odalisque the Chimbley Sweep
A Decemberists Poem
I am a chimbley, a chimbley sweep
In matching blue raincoats
Billy Liar's got his hands in his pockets
Sixteen military wives
On the lam from the law
I'm coming to find you
Crawling Away From You
A Linkin Park Poem
When I pretend
Memories consume
It's easier to run
I dreamt I was missing
When this began
Crawling in my skin
Lol, well Gaga sounds like Gaga and Linkin Park sounds like bad teen poetry. I must say, I'm a bit disappointed in the other two.
Lol, this is probably the perfect post to mention I've been noticing a weird behavior brought on by the recent spring weather. I had an overwhelming drive to "hibernate" during the winter months, coming home to nap for a few hours after work because it was the easiest way to avoid the cold: crawl under the electric blanket and flee from it into unconsciousness. But just as I was getting over that, I'm noticing the same problem from the warm weather. By mid-afternoon (around 3:00) I get this overwhelming desire to just flop over and fall asleep-- and when I do, I usually don't wake up until two or three hours later. My family used to observe the phenomenon of feeling tired during the onset of spring as "spring fever" (which apparently is the proper use; thank, you Wikipedia), but I can't recall ever actually sleeping so much during it.
Maybe by May I'll finally be something other than a lump under my kotatsu, lol.
Well, if this question wasn't specifically designed for me or what . . .
The seasons-- particularly winter-- greatly affect my mood, and I've had no better proof of that than this past winter. However, I've long suspected I have seasonal affective disorder, which my mother and sister also seem to suffer from-- and I also have a very strong aversion to the cold, so cold weather stirs in me a perpetual low-level state of irritation. I hesitate to say I have "cold intolerance" because I do survive the cold-- living where I have, I've always had to-- but I've observed how my mood does a 180 depending on whether the thermometer is above or below 50F/10C. I realized as early as 4th grade that January was always the worst time of year for me-- the accumulation of several contemporaneous stressors (things like science fair and violin solo/ensemble competition) all at the moment I was least equipped to handle them. Someone could probably do a sweep of my Livejournal entries to determine that mid to late winter is when the bulk of my most self-indulgent and depressing entries appear.
I don't do a lot about it, honestly, and I probably should do more since particularly this year the winter depression has really gotten in the way. I never went out; as much as I complained about being lonely I know I perpetuated things by turning down the few offered opportunities simply because I couldn't be motivated to get up off my ass and go out in the weather, or move from my hard-won heated living room to somewhere that might not be as well-heated. I can tell I'm chattier and bubblier now that it's warm at school, when for the past four months I'd pretty much showed up in a sulk and felt ready to bite the head off anyone who made what I often interpreted as patronizing comments about the weather-- because when you're bundled up in seven layers with 8 self-heating kairo pads stuck to your extremities, really suffering because of the cold and lack of light, it just seems rude to hear someone point out "Gee, it's cold outside, isn't it?" as if you haven't noticed. My Persephone comparison is really apt: For the temperate months, I'm normal and happy, but the cold transforms me into a cold-hearted ice queen.
One reason I'm not particularly motivated to get into SAD therapy or buy a light box or something is that I've not only considered moving to another climate, but I'm planning on it. While LA probably would not have been my top choice if Robert weren't there already, in addition to Robert's presence and (hopefully) the job opportunities in my chosen field, the weather makes me really excited about the prospect of living there. Of course, LA still has winter-- the sun still shines less in the sky during three months of the year-- but I'm hoping the fact said sun will seldom be clouded over and still shine down to create warm weather will counteract that. If not LA, I still think I'd choose someplace below the Mason-Dixon line (pretend it spreads across the entire US), St. Louis-level at the most northern. Of course, the US is not
I gotta feeling
The stars lean down to kiss you
Four little words just to get me alone
I feel a hunger
Markie got with Sharon
You see her; you can't touch her
Spend all your time waiting
Whenever I'm alone with you
Your wild lies always start
I'm not loving you
Am I throwing you off?
You're too important for anyone
Ever close your eyes?
We are young
Oh, they like to get you in a compromising position
I got my sight set on you
You get a shiver in the dark
Boys call you sexy
Take a breath
We are the crowd
I did this one last night and had to post it. It's so creeper; I got the vibe the narrator was a jealous abuser. The last stanza actually gives me chills, it's like this weird feeling of the most intimate being exposed.
Seeing what happens if you just pull from one artist's discography:
Fame and Money
A Lady Gaga Poem
I can't help myself
I like it rough
Beautiful, dirty, dirty, rich, rich, beautiful
That's m-o-n-e-y, so sexy
Snow White Dreaming
An Evanescence Poem
Stoplight, lock the door
I'm so tired of being here
I still remember the world
How can I pretend that I don't see?
Perfect by nature
I can't see your star
Odalisque the Chimbley Sweep
A Decemberists Poem
I am a chimbley, a chimbley sweep
In matching blue raincoats
Billy Liar's got his hands in his pockets
Sixteen military wives
On the lam from the law
I'm coming to find you
Crawling Away From You
A Linkin Park Poem
When I pretend
Memories consume
It's easier to run
I dreamt I was missing
When this began
Crawling in my skin
Lol, well Gaga sounds like Gaga and Linkin Park sounds like bad teen poetry. I must say, I'm a bit disappointed in the other two.
Lol, this is probably the perfect post to mention I've been noticing a weird behavior brought on by the recent spring weather. I had an overwhelming drive to "hibernate" during the winter months, coming home to nap for a few hours after work because it was the easiest way to avoid the cold: crawl under the electric blanket and flee from it into unconsciousness. But just as I was getting over that, I'm noticing the same problem from the warm weather. By mid-afternoon (around 3:00) I get this overwhelming desire to just flop over and fall asleep-- and when I do, I usually don't wake up until two or three hours later. My family used to observe the phenomenon of feeling tired during the onset of spring as "spring fever" (which apparently is the proper use; thank, you Wikipedia), but I can't recall ever actually sleeping so much during it.
Maybe by May I'll finally be something other than a lump under my kotatsu, lol.
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no subject
Date: 2010-04-10 06:22 am (UTC)I feel a hunger
I couldn't help the punctuation but, seriously. Damn. Have you noticed that these seem to be pretty wonderful plot-bunny fuel ... or is that just for me?
I'll be posting my own of these shortly. I really do love this meme.
Your wild lies always start
I'm not loving you
Am I throwing you off?
You're too important for anyone
Sometimes the lines work surprisingly well together.