Writer's Block: Oh no not I

[tabular_rasa]

[Error: unknown template qotd]

I was three years old, in my first year of preschool. I don't know where people get this idea that middle school is when peer pressure and girl-style passive-aggressive bullying really kicks in. Third-grade girls can be cruel, backstabbing bitches, and even three-year-old girls are capable of ostracism and manipulative queen bee behavior. This was the case with a girl in my preschool class; she was a like a prodigy of girl-bullying, a miniscule Regina George. Every few days, she would pick a new girl in the class that everyone was supposed to ignore and make fun of. People were so afraid of being the bullied one that they didn't dare question her. I caught on to this bullshit pretty fast and refused to associate with or even respond to her or anyone else who followed her.

I can only barely remember it happening, but my mom reminded me about it years later. She said that she was informed when my preschool teacher phoned her up fretfully to inform her she thought I might have antisocial problems because I wasn't playing with the other kids. (The teacher had not realized what was going on in her classroom-- fail). My mom had heard me talk about the situation, though, so she knew what was really going on. She was apparently really impressed that I had the strength to play alone rather than succumb to the pressure to condone bullying.

I'm impressed with myself too, I guess. I seldom have a problem just walking away from people who treat me badly, choosing to be alone rather than with people I don't respect or don't like. Peer pressure has been a complete non-issue my entire life; in fact, using underhanded means to pressure me is only going to make me dig my heels in and resist more. However, this trait only applies near strangers and acquaintances; I often wish it extended to established friends. I still have trouble walking away from people I love and trust once they've hurt me, even if they've hurt me badly enough I really shouldn't love or trust them anymore. They still don't manipulate me into doing things against my principles, but I often remain loyal to people who don't deserve it.

And if that is too passive to count as "standing up" for myself, at age three I also had an incident where a girl at my other preschool (I went to a church preschool in the morning and YMCA swimming/gymnastics preschool in the afternoon) kept taunting some kids (myself included) in my class with the "Baby, baby, stick your head in gravy" chant. It was stupid but it was clearly meant to be mean and get people to cry, so I informed my mom about it. She didn't think much of it; she laughed and then told me the end of the chant, which I didn't realize had a second part. So the next time the girl said it, we were all sitting down in a big circle on the mat for story time or a Spanish lesson or something. I retorted back loudly in front of everyone: "Wrap it up in bubble gum and send it to the Navy!" and glared at her. She looked very shocked and stopped the chanting at people after that, because she obviously hadn't heard the second part either and clearly I was better at this game than she was. (Lol, it's like I won a rap battle or something >.<).

Edit (8:01 pm): And now I'm thinking about preschool. Despite a lot of mean kid bullshit, preschool was actually a pretty good time. There are some things about preschool I would go back to. (Does anyone else remember preschool vividly enough to feel that way? I feel like I'm rare for thinking this-- or being capable of thinking this). Like snack time, "swimming" just to play around in the water, and events like Green Eggs and Ham Day, Making Playdough Day (I always got to add the salt), and Circus Day (even if I refused to dress as a clown like all the other kids and so my mom had me wear a sign that said "I am a giraffe"). Good times man, good times.

Comments

[invig.livejournal.com]

*jealous*

I remember nothing of my childhood. Except occasional flashes of misery that I couldn't block out.

I think I was brain-injured from being a blue-baby.

[tabular-rasa.livejournal.com]

Most people don't remember much before age 6, or anything before the age of 3. I have no idea why I got so lucky, but I can pretty much re-live whole days of my preschool existence, what I was wearing and everything.

I dunno if it's a connection to being a blue baby, though. I failed my Apgar test fantastically and the doctor called my mother in her hospital room (great bedside manner, that one) and said either I'd die by the end of the night or spend the rest of my life a mentally-handicapped vegetable. MIRACLE BABY FTW!

[gnostuff.livejournal.com]

Yeah, you're right, adults don't tend to admit just how cruel and sadistic even small children can be from such a young age. I think that situations like this always raise the question, what sort of home life did that girl have? The obvious answer says mean siblings, but who knows? Children always tend to re-enact their homelife at school, whether it's parents arguing or god knows what else.

[tabular-rasa.livejournal.com]

She went up through high school with me, though I didn't spend much time around her after preschool, but I think she was an only child. However, I think her mother may have had a similar personality-- and children are excellent imitators.

It's usually very easy for outside observers to determine *what went wrong.* Unfortunately, it's much harder for the parents to see the flaws they may be passing on /-:

[silverfyre.livejournal.com]

I don't remember much from when I was little. I remember our house in New York, when we first got fish and hamsters, climbing the tree in the backyard, etc... But that was around when I was 5 or 6. I also remember when I dropped a TV on my head, and that was around when I was 4 or 5, but I'd say that's just memorable for sheer craziness. I can also vaguely remember jumping around from chair to chair when I was in preschool, but it's the sort of memory you're not sure if you genuinely remember or just think you do because you dreamed about it or were told about it.

[gingitsune3.livejournal.com]

Preschool man, I was either enraged or USING MY SKILLS TO GET WHAT I WANTED.
Shoot. I would offer to cut out people's cut-outs for them IN EXCHANGE FOR THEIR SNACKS. I don't remember really the social aspects of it because I am oblivious even today. Oh wait. Yes I do. I was AWESOME. I was the fastest and people would race me and I would LEAVE THEM IN THE DUST! And I was a pro on the monkey bars. And we had a see-saw and I would sing "We Will Rock You" while rocking and I got everyone into it. And I remember HUNTING FOR LEPRECHAUNS. And one time, this girl was crying because a boy told her she was small, and I quoted an advertisement on TV that was like, "Great things come in small packages!" and then I talked about small dinosaurs.
But I mostly remember being enraged by how literal everyone took everything.
Like one time, we had to leave the room while the teacher hid all the letters of the alphabet in the room. We were supposed to go in there and FIND THE LETTERS. So we went in there, and even though I didn't recognize that THE BRIGHT, NEON ORANGE THINGS THAT WERE NEW IN THE ROOM to be letters, I realized that they HAD BEEN PLACED THERE BY THE TEACHER. And I remember standing there while a kid was like, "I don't know if this is a letter or not." And I was all, "I don't know either. Why don't you ask the teacher." And so he put it down and I picked it up. And I remember the teacher got huffy at me because I got all the letters and none of the other kids did because they are stupid.

[tabular-rasa.livejournal.com]

Haha, that's not standing up for yourself-- that's manipulation! But I'm glad you were nice to the small girl.

And I remember you hunting for leprechauns. You were very hung up on how he "busted" a chair, which was clearly a new word you had just picked up that day from another student or something because I had never heard you use it before and you refused to describe the situation with any other term. (I kept asking you, "So was the chair broken? Dented? Smashed? Be more specific than 'busted'!").

I remember being irritated with how smarter I seemed next other kids seemed, too, even if I'd rather not admit it, lol. I used to think ahead of the teacher and do tasks before she could even explain them, because I knew what she was going to ask us to do. (I still to that sometimes, lol). And that's one of the things that bothers me about teachers asking young students (low elementary and below) who finish early to help other students; I'm pretty sure I wasn't always the most gracious and complimentary helper /-: