Writer's Block: Back off!
May. 18th, 2010 05:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tabular_rasa[Error: unknown template qotd]
My usual reaction to bullying was (and still is) to console the person being bullied. I would assure them it wasn't their fault and that it was the bully who was in the wrong, and that I supported them even if they felt like they were alone in it. I'll admit I wasn't the best at standing up to the actual bully, though. I am not physically intimidating nor legitimately powerful; it was unlikely I could scare anyone or fight them and win. (I mean, I had to deal with my own bullies, here, too). Considering that, I was also afraid that the bully would just come after us both, and there was nothing I could do then, either. When it came to my own bullies, I usually just avoided them as best I could in hopes things would fizzle out from there-- which it always did, though in one case it took six or seven years.
Plus frankly I think giving the victim support is more important than confronting the bully anyway, the same way I've always been way more concerned with how to compensate and rehabilitate the victims of crimes than punish the criminals. Sometimes I wonder if real justice shouldn't be more about diminishing the effect of the injustice done to innocent parties rather than wreaking retribution on the offenders. Don't innocent people who have been wronged deserve our time, energy, and resources more than the assholes who hurt them? Plus bullies usually don't bully just because they are nasty, malicious human beings; typically they harbor deep insecurities or emotional wounds which aggression will only make worse. Cutting them down may turn them away from the victim for the moment, but it won't cure them of the demons that prompt them to mistreat others in the first place. If I wanted to address the bully, I'd rather dig a little deeper and fix the core problem rather than just chastise them-- but that's me and my weird "all people are good deep down!" thing talking.
Of course I've failed to step in at times, however. I think we all have; I wouldn't believe a person who said otherwise. Sometimes there are fair reasons, like we didn't accurately comprehend what was going on (if a stranger is teasing another stranger, how do you know if it's playful teasing or bullying?) or we were too aware of our limits. (For instance, can you really blame a lone 2nd grader for not stepping in to defend a classmate against a 6th grader?). Plus you never know when the person may reject your help. Even if you're only offering a hand of support and friendship, you can be shoved away and told to spare your pity and leave them to take care of themselves. I've often waffled over helping a near-stranger, unsure if they'd be willing to accept my support, because I've defended some thankless people.
On the other hand, I've also made a couple friends through supporting them through bullying. And I was definitely pleased the time someone stood up for me. (It's depressing that I can really only recall one instance in which that happened. People sometimes even outright refused me help when I asked!).
In other news, it's like gale-force winds outside my house ride now. I was practically bicycling backwards on my way home from work today.
I've written an entry about Kyoto/Okinawa, but I'm still uploading pictures so I'll post it when that's all done with. It'll be pretty long and epic, lol.
My usual reaction to bullying was (and still is) to console the person being bullied. I would assure them it wasn't their fault and that it was the bully who was in the wrong, and that I supported them even if they felt like they were alone in it. I'll admit I wasn't the best at standing up to the actual bully, though. I am not physically intimidating nor legitimately powerful; it was unlikely I could scare anyone or fight them and win. (I mean, I had to deal with my own bullies, here, too). Considering that, I was also afraid that the bully would just come after us both, and there was nothing I could do then, either. When it came to my own bullies, I usually just avoided them as best I could in hopes things would fizzle out from there-- which it always did, though in one case it took six or seven years.
Plus frankly I think giving the victim support is more important than confronting the bully anyway, the same way I've always been way more concerned with how to compensate and rehabilitate the victims of crimes than punish the criminals. Sometimes I wonder if real justice shouldn't be more about diminishing the effect of the injustice done to innocent parties rather than wreaking retribution on the offenders. Don't innocent people who have been wronged deserve our time, energy, and resources more than the assholes who hurt them? Plus bullies usually don't bully just because they are nasty, malicious human beings; typically they harbor deep insecurities or emotional wounds which aggression will only make worse. Cutting them down may turn them away from the victim for the moment, but it won't cure them of the demons that prompt them to mistreat others in the first place. If I wanted to address the bully, I'd rather dig a little deeper and fix the core problem rather than just chastise them-- but that's me and my weird "all people are good deep down!" thing talking.
Of course I've failed to step in at times, however. I think we all have; I wouldn't believe a person who said otherwise. Sometimes there are fair reasons, like we didn't accurately comprehend what was going on (if a stranger is teasing another stranger, how do you know if it's playful teasing or bullying?) or we were too aware of our limits. (For instance, can you really blame a lone 2nd grader for not stepping in to defend a classmate against a 6th grader?). Plus you never know when the person may reject your help. Even if you're only offering a hand of support and friendship, you can be shoved away and told to spare your pity and leave them to take care of themselves. I've often waffled over helping a near-stranger, unsure if they'd be willing to accept my support, because I've defended some thankless people.
On the other hand, I've also made a couple friends through supporting them through bullying. And I was definitely pleased the time someone stood up for me. (It's depressing that I can really only recall one instance in which that happened. People sometimes even outright refused me help when I asked!).
In other news, it's like gale-force winds outside my house ride now. I was practically bicycling backwards on my way home from work today.
I've written an entry about Kyoto/Okinawa, but I'm still uploading pictures so I'll post it when that's all done with. It'll be pretty long and epic, lol.
