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No, I haven't. However, thinking about it, I don't think I would be opposed, actually-- within a reasonable limit. I refuse to change fundamental behaviors or beliefs for the sake of a relationship, but diet isn't a fundamental thing to me; I'm just a default omnivore, with no specific principles behind what I eat and why. If I lived with someone who felt it was very important for them to keep a certain diet-- be it no-kill vegetarianism or veganism, or a religious diet like kosher or the Muslim ban on pork-- I think I'd be willing to adjust my eating habits to make their lifestyle easier, because they care a lot more about it than I do.
And it just makes sense that once you share meals on a regular basis with someone (whether you're married, living together, or even just roommates, honestly), you shape your diet according to the factors you hold in common. Have you ever lived in a family with split preferences? It gets so tricky trying to navigate dual menus. (I think for some people, diet can be an even bigger issue than religion. The church you choose to go to may only affect you once or a twice week, but the diet you hold to affects you every day!). Generally the easiest way to cope with it is to default to the more restrictive diet, so long as you don't have equal principles forbidding you in the opposite direction-- and I don't, so done. My only request is that as they are the more knowledgeable of the two of us on the diet, they should share in the cooking responsibilities, especially at first, and work with me on understanding how to maintain proper nutrition with the restrictions-- like keeping my iron high despite limited meat consumption.
That said, even if I lived with or married someone who was vegetarian, kosher, etc, and I adjusted my diet while eating and cooking meals with them, that still wouldn't make me officially vegetarian, kosher, etc. I would in all likelihood continue to eat the restricted foods at restaurants, in friends' homes, or, depending on their diet's strictures for preparation (for instance, some religions forbid even cooking with utensils that have touched forbidden foods), in my home when cooking for myself. And I think it would cross the line for them to try to dictate what I ate outside of our meals together. If after, say, spending a year as a vegetarian I decided to just go for it all-out (which, having crossed the hurdles of laziness, nutritional understanding, and personal support is probably quite likely), cool, but I would not accept any pressure from them regarding the nourishment that goes in my body. The way I see it, adapting their diet while at home is a favor to them meant to make their life easier, done out of love. It's not necessarily an acquiescence to the rightness of their lifestyle over all others.
And I think that's what makes my decision to change okay. I wouldn't be changing my entire self, I would just be changing certain habits that affect our relationship in the relevant context, the way a man learns (or should learn!) to put the seat back down when a female lives in his house.
I should note, however, that one diet change I would refuse to accept isn't an "ism": eating unheathily! While I could and would continue to cook and eat healthy and nutritious meals with proper portion sizes under the strictures of a kosher or vegetarian diet, I would have much more trouble adjusting my habits to compromise my health. Admittedly if it was simply a matter of portion sizes or them not eating vegetables or something I could just limit my own portions and cook an extra serving of vegetables for myself, but if we're talking diets in which all meat must be greasy and everything must be fried, there will be a problem. (And it's funny, because I think it's dietary changes like that that sneak up on people. While usually going vegetarian or kosher is a pretty specific choice, becoming more unhealthy because of the influence of a partner is very sneaky! I think a lot of people change in this way and don't even notice until it's too late).
No, I haven't. However, thinking about it, I don't think I would be opposed, actually-- within a reasonable limit. I refuse to change fundamental behaviors or beliefs for the sake of a relationship, but diet isn't a fundamental thing to me; I'm just a default omnivore, with no specific principles behind what I eat and why. If I lived with someone who felt it was very important for them to keep a certain diet-- be it no-kill vegetarianism or veganism, or a religious diet like kosher or the Muslim ban on pork-- I think I'd be willing to adjust my eating habits to make their lifestyle easier, because they care a lot more about it than I do.
And it just makes sense that once you share meals on a regular basis with someone (whether you're married, living together, or even just roommates, honestly), you shape your diet according to the factors you hold in common. Have you ever lived in a family with split preferences? It gets so tricky trying to navigate dual menus. (I think for some people, diet can be an even bigger issue than religion. The church you choose to go to may only affect you once or a twice week, but the diet you hold to affects you every day!). Generally the easiest way to cope with it is to default to the more restrictive diet, so long as you don't have equal principles forbidding you in the opposite direction-- and I don't, so done. My only request is that as they are the more knowledgeable of the two of us on the diet, they should share in the cooking responsibilities, especially at first, and work with me on understanding how to maintain proper nutrition with the restrictions-- like keeping my iron high despite limited meat consumption.
That said, even if I lived with or married someone who was vegetarian, kosher, etc, and I adjusted my diet while eating and cooking meals with them, that still wouldn't make me officially vegetarian, kosher, etc. I would in all likelihood continue to eat the restricted foods at restaurants, in friends' homes, or, depending on their diet's strictures for preparation (for instance, some religions forbid even cooking with utensils that have touched forbidden foods), in my home when cooking for myself. And I think it would cross the line for them to try to dictate what I ate outside of our meals together. If after, say, spending a year as a vegetarian I decided to just go for it all-out (which, having crossed the hurdles of laziness, nutritional understanding, and personal support is probably quite likely), cool, but I would not accept any pressure from them regarding the nourishment that goes in my body. The way I see it, adapting their diet while at home is a favor to them meant to make their life easier, done out of love. It's not necessarily an acquiescence to the rightness of their lifestyle over all others.
And I think that's what makes my decision to change okay. I wouldn't be changing my entire self, I would just be changing certain habits that affect our relationship in the relevant context, the way a man learns (or should learn!) to put the seat back down when a female lives in his house.
I should note, however, that one diet change I would refuse to accept isn't an "ism": eating unheathily! While I could and would continue to cook and eat healthy and nutritious meals with proper portion sizes under the strictures of a kosher or vegetarian diet, I would have much more trouble adjusting my habits to compromise my health. Admittedly if it was simply a matter of portion sizes or them not eating vegetables or something I could just limit my own portions and cook an extra serving of vegetables for myself, but if we're talking diets in which all meat must be greasy and everything must be fried, there will be a problem. (And it's funny, because I think it's dietary changes like that that sneak up on people. While usually going vegetarian or kosher is a pretty specific choice, becoming more unhealthy because of the influence of a partner is very sneaky! I think a lot of people change in this way and don't even notice until it's too late).
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no subject
Date: 2010-05-02 08:09 pm (UTC)I've added you- I would love if you added me back.
Thanks so much,
Kara
no subject
Date: 2010-05-04 09:18 am (UTC)