Writer's Block: Forever young?
Jan. 24th, 2010 04:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I like the age I am right now, 22. I'm still young, healthy, and attractive and yet I have endless opportunities open to me that weren't available to me as a teenager or in college. At 22, I'm legally allowed to drive and drink (though not together :-P) and I've completed my first degree, the one's that's most important in getting the type of job I'm looking to get. I've been to many places in the world and I speak two languages. I have the option of holding a full-time job or going back to school if I choose, without seeming too young or too old for either. I've experienced heartbreak and real love, and enough other drama to have a decent sense of when and how to fight and when to just let things slide.
21 and 22 are two ages I've really felt truly happy. Looking back, I felt really happy at age 5, but what kind of existence is that, to be five years old forever? I would be forbidden from just about all responsibility (something which I actually like-- do you remember bedtimes and "No dessert unless you finish three more bites"? Being a kid kind of sucks, man) and never know adult love or sexual pleasure in any way I could understand. I also felt pretty happy with myself between ages 16-18, but I had never known love or heartbreak. I panicked once I got to be 20, since the media makes it out like 16-18 is the golden years, but I'm prettier, in better shape, better educated, more mature, and more experienced in the world (in both good and bad ways, but all of that creates wisdom) than I ever was as a teenager.
But even at 22, there are still so many things I haven't done. I don't quite understand how you can live without forming memories, whether you're aging or not, but if I can't have any later life experiences I definitely think I'd be missing out. I've never been married, I've never raised a child, and-- while part of me certainly wouldn't mind missing out on this one-- I've never had anyone really close to me die. (The closest was Winston, who was a surrogate grandfather but I'd only known him for a few years). I have a lot yet to live for, a lot yet to learn from life.
I've said before that I would never want to live forever. Similarly, I think there is wisdom to be gained in the aging process and by completing one's life cycle naturally. I am very happy with age 22, but instead of wishing I would stay 22 forever, I should just be thankful I'm 22 now while I'm happy with it, and age gracefully to 23, 24, and beyond as I become ready to experience them. At 16 I would have told you I was happy with 16, but at 22 I would never go back to 16. I imagine I'll feel the same about 22 in a few years.
I have to say though, I do hope that physically, at least, I don't change too much between 22 and 24 or 25. Can I freeze my age for just two years? It's the whole This Is Not My Real Life thing. I don't want to gain a bunch of weight, start going grey (a possibility, since my mom started going grey at 21), or get my first wrinkles before I go back to the US, because then I would feel a little like I'd wasted my youth in a place where I barely ever socialize, cannot physically interact with my boyfriend, and lead a pretty boring life, frankly. At least during the winter months, I feel like I’m literally hibernating. There are spurts of adventure I'm glad I have the energy for, but my day-to-day life is really unexciting and resembles something you’d expect more from an empty nester than a recent college graduate.
I like the age I am right now, 22. I'm still young, healthy, and attractive and yet I have endless opportunities open to me that weren't available to me as a teenager or in college. At 22, I'm legally allowed to drive and drink (though not together :-P) and I've completed my first degree, the one's that's most important in getting the type of job I'm looking to get. I've been to many places in the world and I speak two languages. I have the option of holding a full-time job or going back to school if I choose, without seeming too young or too old for either. I've experienced heartbreak and real love, and enough other drama to have a decent sense of when and how to fight and when to just let things slide.
21 and 22 are two ages I've really felt truly happy. Looking back, I felt really happy at age 5, but what kind of existence is that, to be five years old forever? I would be forbidden from just about all responsibility (something which I actually like-- do you remember bedtimes and "No dessert unless you finish three more bites"? Being a kid kind of sucks, man) and never know adult love or sexual pleasure in any way I could understand. I also felt pretty happy with myself between ages 16-18, but I had never known love or heartbreak. I panicked once I got to be 20, since the media makes it out like 16-18 is the golden years, but I'm prettier, in better shape, better educated, more mature, and more experienced in the world (in both good and bad ways, but all of that creates wisdom) than I ever was as a teenager.
But even at 22, there are still so many things I haven't done. I don't quite understand how you can live without forming memories, whether you're aging or not, but if I can't have any later life experiences I definitely think I'd be missing out. I've never been married, I've never raised a child, and-- while part of me certainly wouldn't mind missing out on this one-- I've never had anyone really close to me die. (The closest was Winston, who was a surrogate grandfather but I'd only known him for a few years). I have a lot yet to live for, a lot yet to learn from life.
I've said before that I would never want to live forever. Similarly, I think there is wisdom to be gained in the aging process and by completing one's life cycle naturally. I am very happy with age 22, but instead of wishing I would stay 22 forever, I should just be thankful I'm 22 now while I'm happy with it, and age gracefully to 23, 24, and beyond as I become ready to experience them. At 16 I would have told you I was happy with 16, but at 22 I would never go back to 16. I imagine I'll feel the same about 22 in a few years.
I have to say though, I do hope that physically, at least, I don't change too much between 22 and 24 or 25. Can I freeze my age for just two years? It's the whole This Is Not My Real Life thing. I don't want to gain a bunch of weight, start going grey (a possibility, since my mom started going grey at 21), or get my first wrinkles before I go back to the US, because then I would feel a little like I'd wasted my youth in a place where I barely ever socialize, cannot physically interact with my boyfriend, and lead a pretty boring life, frankly. At least during the winter months, I feel like I’m literally hibernating. There are spurts of adventure I'm glad I have the energy for, but my day-to-day life is really unexciting and resembles something you’d expect more from an empty nester than a recent college graduate.
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Date: 2010-01-25 12:45 pm (UTC)And I never got to publish a book as a teenager )-: But, shoot, who knows if I'll ever publish a book, ever.