Writer's Block: Opposites attract (sometimes)

[tabular_rasa]

[Error: unknown template qotd]

Apparently similarity is a big turn on with me. Robert, like me, is from the Midwest; college-educated and from a college-educated family; doesn't belong to an organized religion and yet is interested in religious spiritual, and metaphysical topics on a personal level; enjoys travel; enjoys creative pursuits; is interested in having a family someday, but not yet. We also have a million of the same interests, from our taste in literature to our love for violent storms. He's like my freaking clone, with a Y chromosome. (Tory pointed out: "You must be so vain, to date someone exactly like you!" Lol!).

Couples need not be as clone-tastic and Robert and I. I think opposites can certainly attract, and many people actually prefer that dynamic (a complement rather than a clone, etc)-- but I do think some things need to be held in common for a relationship to work, such as core values that will affect the course of the entire family. Which values are most important vary depending on the individuals involved. Some couples are not bothered by a difference of religion, but if you stick two deeply devout people of totally different faiths who honestly believe the other is going to burn in Hell if he or she doesn't convert, you may not be able to find a compromise-- and if religion is that important to both of you, the issue is just going to hound you until the day you die. Plenty of couples can hold opposite political views, but if both of you make personal attacks and/or take disagreement very personally-- and yet can't put aside the issues, either-- it's going to be a problem. And even if you find your clone as far as interests and experiences go, you're going nowhere if you can't agree on whether you're having kids and when, and where you'll raise them.

My big priorities for a partner includes their compatibility with my wanting to get married and have a family by sometime in my early thirties (but not too soon, either). They should be okay with my decisions to hold a career at some point and possibly stay home with my kids (assuming financial stability). I also personally would have a very hard time dating someone uneducated or uninterested in learning new things, which probably makes me sound really stuck-up or something-- but when I honestly assess the type of conversations I prefer, the experiences I have had and plan to continue to have, and the plans I have for my children, I know that would be a hard difference to work around. I want someone who likes to learn new things, travel, and can have abstract conversations with me and enjoy them.

Comments

[eternitat.livejournal.com]

Beautiful post.

Sadly, with most of the people I have dated, things have not worked out due to compatibility issues. Sometimes it is big, but more often than not it is little things adding up. And compatibility does NOT just mean shared religion. Conversely, just because two people are from the same culture/location, does NOT mean it will automatically work out- especially when you felt as out of place as I did and love your new country better.

There has been only ONE case where lack of chemistry was truly the one and only problem- and that was 3 years ago. The only possible explanation I have found for this was that I was not able to make emotional or mental connections due to his lack of any and every right brain trait you can think of (lack of sexual attraction still remains a mystery to this day). When I told my mother, she asked "don't opposites attract?" (I am 50-50 whole brained, but by opposites she may have meant use of the whole brain equally vs. using only one side all the time). I replied "not necessarily- in some aspects they do but not others, and I guess this was not one of them". But it was amazing that while cerebrally everything was fine and viscerally I never felt a NO, emotionally I never felt a YES either- and I suspected after one date that even if it were to work out, the emotional connection would be our weakest point and that it would feel more like a glorified friendship than a true romance.

[jenny_evergreen]

I really wish I'd been as together as you are at your age! (Not that I'm ancient or anything. :P)

[eternitat.livejournal.com]

Same here! I'm 10 years older than Amy. I wish I knew back then what I know now. And not just about relationships- but about everything. I did not start working as a librarian till I was 26.

[scorpiuspro.livejournal.com]

<3<3<3

[sidheblessed.livejournal.com]

I also personally would have a very hard time dating someone uneducated or uninterested in learning new things, which probably makes me sound really stuck-up or something

I don't think that makes you sound stuck up at all - if education is important to you, it's perfectly acceptable to want a partner who feels the same and has or is pursuing a good education.

[orgasmicpsyduck.livejournal.com]

So, a lecherous, atheistic college dropout who hates kids probably wouldn't be your scene, eh?

If I see any, I'll let them know!