tabular_rasa | Feverish

So I am (/still am, if you knew before) sick. Just the usual winter cold/flu-y thing; it doesn't really matter. I slept 10 hours last night, 1:00 am to 11:00 am; Lisa was afraid that I wouldn't wake up for my final. I also took a two-hour nap sometime that afternoon. I also just took a nap just now. However, it didn't really turn into much of a nap; it was more of a lie-there-in-the-dark-and-rest.

The state of being feverish in winter retains a strange familiarity for me. The heat and dryness; the oxymoronic glazing wetness within the nose and throat while both are so dry that one chokes on the thickness of their own saliva; the feeling that one's clothes are wrong on the body, and so is there the hair, and even the skin, as if it's been cooked and about to dribble off the bone, like a chicken leg. Sensation is all messed up; you run your hands over skin and it feels smooth to your hands but your skin can't feel your hands on it unless you really concentrate. The proportions of your body feel strange, both internally and externally (I was recently fascinated by the seeming smallness of my feet). If you time it wrong, it's a terrible restless, too; you try to sleep and though your body is worthless and fine with lying there perfectly still, you still fidget because your mind is reeling. It's worse if you're on certain medications, but you don't need to be on anything.

I guess I was a "sickly child," technically, so maybe it is truly reminiscence. Every winter until I finally got them removed, I had a bout with tonsilitis; six years is a long time when you're six years old. It was always winter, too-- early winter. I would miss weeks of school. I would fret about missing Christmas, the family Christmas gathering Christmas Eve. I don't think I ever did, thank God, but I can remember crying being told I was going to, one year.

Pink, distant-eyed, glowing, blurry. My nose looks/feels huge; it's been blown far too often in the past 48-hour period.

Anyone ever notice how in the dark-- though I guess you can see it in light, too, just not as well-- everything seems to turn to that white noise, as if you've got one filtered over your vision? Back when I was little and used to lie awake for hours after having been put to bed at 7:00 pm, far too early for sleep, I would notice that. It condenses, too, if you stare at it in one particular point for two long; it's like staring into a little perpetual sprouting waterfall coming from within the wall. It's kind of eerie, but I could read a lot of philosophy into it. It's subjective, it flows, it's endless, or maybe it's a completely two-dimensional veil of illusion.

I probably sound like I'm high, or something. Being feverish is like being in an alternate state of mind, though, so I guess go with the feeling . . .