Writer's Block: TMI

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This question implies that the person I love has a secret that could hurt me in the first place. What if he doesn't? I'm pretty realistic about people; I'm not put off knowing that my partner has loved other people before me or had sex with other people before me, and so I don't care if I know the names and numbers. There are only a few fetishes I can't accept; even if I'm not into them myself, even if I would have trouble fulfilling it for them, I wouldn't consider the existence of one some dark terrible horror about them that I can't bear to know-- and I don't care what kind of porn he watches or how often he watches it. I don't care if he experimented with a substance at some point, as long as he's not addicted now. And everyone makes mistakes and hurts someone in their lifetime; I can accept that these things happen, and as long as he's moved on and is handling himself well today I can move on, too. I know a lot of these things are like "TMI! I don't want to know!" for others, but they're just a matter of course with me; they're just more elements of a person and his history which makes him unique. I know I'm not perfect; why should I expect him to be?

Of course, there are things that knowing would force me to question my relationship-- and I would want to know for precisely that reason. I would want to know if he had history of murder, assault, rape, domestic or child abuse, or pedophilia, because those are dealbreakers for me and I don't want to have to deal with the heartache. If it came out he had cheated on me or was deeply in love with someone else, I would want to know that I have been in love with an illusion. The way I see it, if you know everything and you're okay with it all, you know you really love them. If you know everything but you can't accept it, maybe it's not right for you-- and then you're better off moving on than living a lie.

Now, I'm not sure through what magical means we're getting this opportunity to learn everything about our loved ones, but I have to say I generally don't take it upon myself to learn everything, especially if it means resorting to unethical measures. I'm not distrustful. If I feel like I need to bring something up I do, but most of the time I let him decide what he's comfortable telling me.

Writer's Block: TMI

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This question implies that the person I love has a secret that could hurt me in the first place. What if he doesn't? I'm pretty realistic about people; I'm not put off knowing that my partner has loved other people before me or had sex with other people before me, and so I don't care if I know the names and numbers. There are only a few fetishes I can't accept; even if I'm not into them myself, even if I would have trouble fulfilling it for them, I wouldn't consider the existence of one some dark terrible horror about them that I can't bear to know-- and I don't care what kind of porn he watches or how often he watches it. I don't care if he experimented with a substance at some point, as long as he's not addicted now. And everyone makes mistakes and hurts someone in their lifetime; I can accept that these things happen, and as long as he's moved on and is handling himself well today I can move on, too. I know a lot of these things are like "TMI! I don't want to know!" for others, but they're just a matter of course with me; they're just more elements of a person and his history which makes him unique. I know I'm not perfect; why should I expect him to be?

Of course, there are things that knowing would force me to question my relationship-- and I would want to know for precisely that reason. I would want to know if he had history of murder, assault, rape, domestic or child abuse, or pedophilia, because those are dealbreakers for me and I don't want to have to deal with the heartache. If it came out he had cheated on me or was deeply in love with someone else, I would want to know that I have been in love with an illusion. The way I see it, if you know everything and you're okay with it all, you know you really love them. If you know everything but you can't accept it, maybe it's not right for you-- and then you're better off moving on than living a lie.

Now, I'm not sure through what magical means we're getting this opportunity to learn everything about our loved ones, but I have to say I generally don't take it upon myself to learn everything, especially if it means resorting to unethical measures. I'm not distrustful. If I feel like I need to bring something up I do, but most of the time I let him decide what he's comfortable telling me.