The Passion of Japanese
Sep. 27th, 2005 12:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tabular_rasaI feel like a fucking kindergartner.
Actually, more like a 12 grader in fucking kindergarten.
Yeah-- the first exercise in my workbook is "recognize the katakana," as in: Find which ones are katakana out of kanji and hiragana. You don't need to know them. You don't need to read it.
It's all I can do to keep from being an obnoxious ass and commenting on the the little letters and sentences in the workbook, since I can understand them. We have to correct ourselves in red pen, and it's annoying as hell (particularly since I don't even own a red pen; I had to borrow it from Carol), and I'm half-tempted to write little conversations to myself in red pen and pencil about how it "It'll be okay, Amy-chan, you're not as stupid as this book is telling you you ought to be; see, you got 100% on your katakana sections!" as like the consoling side of my brain with the red pain . . . make them think I'm all insane . . . because I am, lol . . .
This would have been fun 6 years ago. You know, the 6 years ago, when I spent my summer diligently learning this on my own, spending every summer morning reviewing the alphabet to myself, an innocent child, who should have been out playing Harry Potter (for that was the summer of Harry Potter, the summer of the third book, when everyone was in love with Harry Potter and it was the right age to be in love with him, and there was no such thing as slash and Remus/Sirius yet, for they had only just barely arrived on the scene, lol . . . ) but was inside making up words to use with the hiragana and katakana, spelling out my name and practicing writing out the entirely alphabet, in love with the language I had no idea how to pronounce. I had a passion, then; I had a love for the writing and the language and I hadn't even met it yet. I would have loved a workbook and pretending I was a little kindergartner in Japan, learning the alphabet for the first time. I loved the entire learning affair.
This whole thing is making me cry.
Yet, somehow, now, it's not so fun anymore. I think something has killed the passion for me in Japanese.
Oh, yeah, that's right: It's them telling me I suck. It's me consequently only scoring 4 out of 5 every day in Japanese class, even though I know all this, because they told me I suck, and, hence, I believe them, because I perform according to expectations. It's this Japanese class, driving me absolutely insane, because I know I'm above this and yet I'm not and yet I'm being gaslighted into believing I'm stupid, or maybe I just AM stupid, and somehow I can talk to Risa in Japanese and she acts like she understands but maybe she's just humoring me, or maybe all I learned in Japanese was a lie or maybe this class is all just a lie and maybe there's no such thing as a Japanese language and I'm just going fucking insane.
I'm the opposite of Megumi (my character from my story, oh ye unenlightened ones, lol), really; she speaks Japanese and hates her Japanese heritage. I write Japanese and wish I had a Japanese heritage.
*Sigh; deep, fulfilling, strengthening breath*
At least it's moving fast.
MurasakiNeko42: I am doing Japanese now
MurasakiNeko42: I hate this
Tarmetiel: I was playing SIMS
Tarmetiel: lol
MurasakiNeko42: I have to learn katakana over again
MurasakiNeko42: WTF
Tarmetiel: Awww
MurasakiNeko42: and it's not like just quizzes
Tarmetiel: Sweetie
MurasakiNeko42: like we have to do shit in the workbook
Tarmetiel: Akabooboo
MurasakiNeko42: and it's so boring and such a waste of time
MurasakiNeko42: and don't say akabooboo
Tarmetiel: *pinches cheeks*
MurasakiNeko42: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW STUPID THIS MAKES ME FEEL?????????
Tarmetiel: akkaboooo???WHOSTHEBABY?
Tarmetiel: Akabooobooo
MurasakiNeko42: I JAVE KNOWN KATAKANA FOR 6 DAMN YEARS NOW!!! 6 DAMN YEARS!!!
Tarmetiel: Honey, I know
Tarmetiel: You relize that I feel stupider than you do every day Im in the Tech Shop?
Tarmetiel: Hmmm???
MurasakiNeko42: so we both are made to feel stupid
MurasakiNeko42: it sucks
Tarmetiel: They look at me in there as if I had a brain of a goldfish...memories that last only 3 seconds or sothing
Tarmetiel: It sucks big butt
Tarmetiel: But, I remember that they had to be in the costume shop...and they sucked in there
Tarmetiel: and they felt stupid
Tarmetiel: so, it makes me feel a little better
MurasakiNeko42: well, I just feel stupid
MurasakiNeko42: or aggravated
MurasakiNeko42: insanely
Tarmetiel: dont get me wrong, I feel like an idiot
MurasakiNeko42: because I still only get like 4 points out of 5 every day
Tarmetiel: aw
MurasakiNeko42: it's like failing kindergarten every day as a 12th fucking grader
Tarmetiel: Because you are thinking to much
Tarmetiel: PRETEND
Tarmetiel: Pretend you are roddy, learning Japanese
Tarmetiel: :-)
MurasakiNeko42: holy shit.
MurasakiNeko42: UNDERLINE the katakana.
MurasakiNeko42: FUCK THIS SHIT.
MurasakiNeko42: like . . . Recognize what IS a katakana. Not even what it is.
Tarmetiel: *sigh*
Tarmetiel: Just do it
MurasakiNeko42: I hate my life and want to die
MurasakiNeko42: every day I polish my revolver and shoot myself in the head
Tarmetiel: RODDERICK, YO UHAD BETTER DO WELL IN THAT FUCKING CLASS, OR ILL THROW YOU OUT THE WINDOW
MurasakiNeko42: LIKE A ROCK STAR
Tarmetiel: You are being over drmatic
MurasakiNeko42: Roddy: *mutters* I'd rather be thrown out the window
MurasakiNeko42: (it;s a shirt, Tifany)
Tarmetiel: *SMACK*
Tarmetiel: Stop being Ridiculous
MurasakiNeko42: *whines and squirms around, and fidgets with the paper and is still being too Roddy-like to do the homework*
Tarmetiel: RODDY
Tarmetiel: JUST FRICKING DO IT
Tarmetiel: Seriously Ames
Tarmetiel: Just suck it up and do it
Tarmetiel: thats what I have to do too
Tarmetiel: So, yes, complain, but Do your homework well without a grudge
Tarmetiel: okay?
Tarmetiel: Amy?
Tarmetiel: ames
MurasakiNeko42: I was doing my homework
Actually, more like a 12 grader in fucking kindergarten.
Yeah-- the first exercise in my workbook is "recognize the katakana," as in: Find which ones are katakana out of kanji and hiragana. You don't need to know them. You don't need to read it.
It's all I can do to keep from being an obnoxious ass and commenting on the the little letters and sentences in the workbook, since I can understand them. We have to correct ourselves in red pen, and it's annoying as hell (particularly since I don't even own a red pen; I had to borrow it from Carol), and I'm half-tempted to write little conversations to myself in red pen and pencil about how it "It'll be okay, Amy-chan, you're not as stupid as this book is telling you you ought to be; see, you got 100% on your katakana sections!" as like the consoling side of my brain with the red pain . . . make them think I'm all insane . . . because I am, lol . . .
This would have been fun 6 years ago. You know, the 6 years ago, when I spent my summer diligently learning this on my own, spending every summer morning reviewing the alphabet to myself, an innocent child, who should have been out playing Harry Potter (for that was the summer of Harry Potter, the summer of the third book, when everyone was in love with Harry Potter and it was the right age to be in love with him, and there was no such thing as slash and Remus/Sirius yet, for they had only just barely arrived on the scene, lol . . . ) but was inside making up words to use with the hiragana and katakana, spelling out my name and practicing writing out the entirely alphabet, in love with the language I had no idea how to pronounce. I had a passion, then; I had a love for the writing and the language and I hadn't even met it yet. I would have loved a workbook and pretending I was a little kindergartner in Japan, learning the alphabet for the first time. I loved the entire learning affair.
This whole thing is making me cry.
Yet, somehow, now, it's not so fun anymore. I think something has killed the passion for me in Japanese.
Oh, yeah, that's right: It's them telling me I suck. It's me consequently only scoring 4 out of 5 every day in Japanese class, even though I know all this, because they told me I suck, and, hence, I believe them, because I perform according to expectations. It's this Japanese class, driving me absolutely insane, because I know I'm above this and yet I'm not and yet I'm being gaslighted into believing I'm stupid, or maybe I just AM stupid, and somehow I can talk to Risa in Japanese and she acts like she understands but maybe she's just humoring me, or maybe all I learned in Japanese was a lie or maybe this class is all just a lie and maybe there's no such thing as a Japanese language and I'm just going fucking insane.
I'm the opposite of Megumi (my character from my story, oh ye unenlightened ones, lol), really; she speaks Japanese and hates her Japanese heritage. I write Japanese and wish I had a Japanese heritage.
*Sigh; deep, fulfilling, strengthening breath*
At least it's moving fast.
MurasakiNeko42: I am doing Japanese now
MurasakiNeko42: I hate this
Tarmetiel: I was playing SIMS
Tarmetiel: lol
MurasakiNeko42: I have to learn katakana over again
MurasakiNeko42: WTF
Tarmetiel: Awww
MurasakiNeko42: and it's not like just quizzes
Tarmetiel: Sweetie
MurasakiNeko42: like we have to do shit in the workbook
Tarmetiel: Akabooboo
MurasakiNeko42: and it's so boring and such a waste of time
MurasakiNeko42: and don't say akabooboo
Tarmetiel: *pinches cheeks*
MurasakiNeko42: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW STUPID THIS MAKES ME FEEL?????????
Tarmetiel: akkaboooo???WHOSTHEBABY?
Tarmetiel: Akabooobooo
MurasakiNeko42: I JAVE KNOWN KATAKANA FOR 6 DAMN YEARS NOW!!! 6 DAMN YEARS!!!
Tarmetiel: Honey, I know
Tarmetiel: You relize that I feel stupider than you do every day Im in the Tech Shop?
Tarmetiel: Hmmm???
MurasakiNeko42: so we both are made to feel stupid
MurasakiNeko42: it sucks
Tarmetiel: They look at me in there as if I had a brain of a goldfish...memories that last only 3 seconds or sothing
Tarmetiel: It sucks big butt
Tarmetiel: But, I remember that they had to be in the costume shop...and they sucked in there
Tarmetiel: and they felt stupid
Tarmetiel: so, it makes me feel a little better
MurasakiNeko42: well, I just feel stupid
MurasakiNeko42: or aggravated
MurasakiNeko42: insanely
Tarmetiel: dont get me wrong, I feel like an idiot
MurasakiNeko42: because I still only get like 4 points out of 5 every day
Tarmetiel: aw
MurasakiNeko42: it's like failing kindergarten every day as a 12th fucking grader
Tarmetiel: Because you are thinking to much
Tarmetiel: PRETEND
Tarmetiel: Pretend you are roddy, learning Japanese
Tarmetiel: :-)
MurasakiNeko42: holy shit.
MurasakiNeko42: UNDERLINE the katakana.
MurasakiNeko42: FUCK THIS SHIT.
MurasakiNeko42: like . . . Recognize what IS a katakana. Not even what it is.
Tarmetiel: *sigh*
Tarmetiel: Just do it
MurasakiNeko42: I hate my life and want to die
MurasakiNeko42: every day I polish my revolver and shoot myself in the head
Tarmetiel: RODDERICK, YO UHAD BETTER DO WELL IN THAT FUCKING CLASS, OR ILL THROW YOU OUT THE WINDOW
MurasakiNeko42: LIKE A ROCK STAR
Tarmetiel: You are being over drmatic
MurasakiNeko42: Roddy: *mutters* I'd rather be thrown out the window
MurasakiNeko42: (it;s a shirt, Tifany)
Tarmetiel: *SMACK*
Tarmetiel: Stop being Ridiculous
MurasakiNeko42: *whines and squirms around, and fidgets with the paper and is still being too Roddy-like to do the homework*
Tarmetiel: RODDY
Tarmetiel: JUST FRICKING DO IT
Tarmetiel: Seriously Ames
Tarmetiel: Just suck it up and do it
Tarmetiel: thats what I have to do too
Tarmetiel: So, yes, complain, but Do your homework well without a grudge
Tarmetiel: okay?
Tarmetiel: Amy?
Tarmetiel: ames
MurasakiNeko42: I was doing my homework
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no subject
Date: 2005-09-27 06:06 pm (UTC). . . and it's no problem about the IM; I've had to leave on a whim a couple of times anyway, and so at least you WARNED me before you went, lol . . .
*Sigh* It's just so . . . I don't know . . . FRUSTRATING . . . is the only world I can think of, lol . . .