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Yes, I do. I believe you should always own up to your actions, your thoughts, and your feelings when asked about them. If you're not honest about who you are and what you want, you're not entitled to blame the other person when they don't appreciate you or respond to your preferences. You're only shooting yourself in the foot.
Now, I don't think honesty necessarily means you have to tell your partner everything unprompted, of course. You need not tell your boyfriend every time you're hit on at work by some random dweeb you don't care about, bring up how foolish that hat makes him look when he's just on his way out to meet the guys, or detail him on the shape of your poop every time you use the bathroom. (Though, lol, Robert and I are oversharers and do anyway :-P). But if you're asked about them, you should respond honestly. Even the poop; if he's got a reason to be asking about the poop, you might as well be honest-- though you in turn should ask and demand an honest answer for why he wants to know. You can learn some pretty telling things about people just by asking the right questions (from fears to flaws to fetishes) and I feel like the mark of intimacy is the ability to feel comfortable both asking and answering, no matter what it is.
Even for "white lies." I'm certainly not saying you have to rip out someone's self-worth and stamp on it in the name of honesty (I hate that people equate honesty to bluntness!) because a good dose of tact goes a long way. If your girlfriend asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?" and it does, you can both steer her clear of embarrassment and save her pride with an affirming and indirect suggestion like "You look sexy to me in anything dear, but I think I'd prefer something that flatters your (insert favorite anatomy here) better," and if you're really savvy and actually remember things in her wardrobe, give a concrete example like, "How about that blue dress you wore for your birthday instead? I haven't seen it in a while." It's still being honest, but it's graceful and much more positive. (Am I asking too much? Lol). Though nobody wants to think they look fat in anything, nobody wants to walk out of the house looking like the Goodyear blimp, either. And compliment-fishers be warned: Don't ask if you don't want to hear the honest answer.
Is total honesty possible? I don't know, because I don't really know how one would define "total honesty." To me, honesty is the sum of truthful responses to questions as they are brought up, and being quicker rather than slower to air concerns and ask the appropriate questions (which should in turn be answered truthfully) when necessary. That doesn't seem hard at all, though even following those rules there can be plenty of secrets between two people. (If he never asks about the guy you're having an affair with, well, you just won't tell him, eh?). But I think most people know when they should be addressing something with their partners, either by asking a question or bringing up a feeling that's relevant. Maybe "total honesty" isn't possible, but a healthy amount of it is, and is definitely preferred.
Because if you never talk about it, how can you fix it? The moment you stop communicating-- asking and answering and bringing up and addressing-- is the moment I say you're no longer interested in the other person or the relationship, and is the beginning of the end unless you can open the communication lines right back up again. Communication is like oxygen to a fire: deplete it and the fire wanes-- and there's only a narrow window of time after the oxygen flow stops to start it up again before the fire goes out forever.
Yes, I do. I believe you should always own up to your actions, your thoughts, and your feelings when asked about them. If you're not honest about who you are and what you want, you're not entitled to blame the other person when they don't appreciate you or respond to your preferences. You're only shooting yourself in the foot.
Now, I don't think honesty necessarily means you have to tell your partner everything unprompted, of course. You need not tell your boyfriend every time you're hit on at work by some random dweeb you don't care about, bring up how foolish that hat makes him look when he's just on his way out to meet the guys, or detail him on the shape of your poop every time you use the bathroom. (Though, lol, Robert and I are oversharers and do anyway :-P). But if you're asked about them, you should respond honestly. Even the poop; if he's got a reason to be asking about the poop, you might as well be honest-- though you in turn should ask and demand an honest answer for why he wants to know. You can learn some pretty telling things about people just by asking the right questions (from fears to flaws to fetishes) and I feel like the mark of intimacy is the ability to feel comfortable both asking and answering, no matter what it is.
Even for "white lies." I'm certainly not saying you have to rip out someone's self-worth and stamp on it in the name of honesty (I hate that people equate honesty to bluntness!) because a good dose of tact goes a long way. If your girlfriend asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?" and it does, you can both steer her clear of embarrassment and save her pride with an affirming and indirect suggestion like "You look sexy to me in anything dear, but I think I'd prefer something that flatters your (insert favorite anatomy here) better," and if you're really savvy and actually remember things in her wardrobe, give a concrete example like, "How about that blue dress you wore for your birthday instead? I haven't seen it in a while." It's still being honest, but it's graceful and much more positive. (Am I asking too much? Lol). Though nobody wants to think they look fat in anything, nobody wants to walk out of the house looking like the Goodyear blimp, either. And compliment-fishers be warned: Don't ask if you don't want to hear the honest answer.
Is total honesty possible? I don't know, because I don't really know how one would define "total honesty." To me, honesty is the sum of truthful responses to questions as they are brought up, and being quicker rather than slower to air concerns and ask the appropriate questions (which should in turn be answered truthfully) when necessary. That doesn't seem hard at all, though even following those rules there can be plenty of secrets between two people. (If he never asks about the guy you're having an affair with, well, you just won't tell him, eh?). But I think most people know when they should be addressing something with their partners, either by asking a question or bringing up a feeling that's relevant. Maybe "total honesty" isn't possible, but a healthy amount of it is, and is definitely preferred.
Because if you never talk about it, how can you fix it? The moment you stop communicating-- asking and answering and bringing up and addressing-- is the moment I say you're no longer interested in the other person or the relationship, and is the beginning of the end unless you can open the communication lines right back up again. Communication is like oxygen to a fire: deplete it and the fire wanes-- and there's only a narrow window of time after the oxygen flow stops to start it up again before the fire goes out forever.
