Still Sick
Jul. 6th, 2005 08:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tabular_rasa"I can't have discussions about it anymore, I just can't. When someone asks me if I've found Jesus, I say, 'Yeah, I saw him at a Nirvana concert a couple of years ago.' It's like, Jesus has got things to do, he's got a ten o'clock. He's not going to fix things for me, I have to fix things for myself, so I try and have a sense of humor about it and nobody finds my humor very amusing. We've just got to lighten up on the savior bit, folks. You know, 'Get off the cross; we need the wood.'" -Tori Amos
Mom and Tory all think I'm all better, and are mad I couldn't drive Tory to oboe today. Yet it takes so many drugs for me to GET to this "all-better" state that they keep seeing me in, where I'm actually awake and talking and eating. I have to take the heavy-duty sore throat medications AND benadryl AND tylenol or ibuprofen on top of that, and then I have to numb my entire mouth and rub baking soda in my wounds. I keep numbing my throat, on top of that, with popsicles and things, and then I can eat normal foods, almost, as long as they're mushy by the time they go down my throat. I get so exhausted.
This is just a repeat of everything I've said before.
I want so badly to see people some more, to see them again . . . it's been at least for a week for everybody, except Liz, and, even then, it's been several days. I'm so isolated. It's only online that I can talk to people, and even then, it's few and far-between, and no one keeps up with the journals anymore.
I had some thoughts this morning, before I took my medications.
I'm scared to write, scared in case it comes out all terribly drug-induced.
PS: I was thinking about using "Air on a G-String" by Bach for my music today, but I didn't . . . and it ended up being played on the radio just after I posted this entry, lol . . .
Mom and Tory all think I'm all better, and are mad I couldn't drive Tory to oboe today. Yet it takes so many drugs for me to GET to this "all-better" state that they keep seeing me in, where I'm actually awake and talking and eating. I have to take the heavy-duty sore throat medications AND benadryl AND tylenol or ibuprofen on top of that, and then I have to numb my entire mouth and rub baking soda in my wounds. I keep numbing my throat, on top of that, with popsicles and things, and then I can eat normal foods, almost, as long as they're mushy by the time they go down my throat. I get so exhausted.
This is just a repeat of everything I've said before.
I want so badly to see people some more, to see them again . . . it's been at least for a week for everybody, except Liz, and, even then, it's been several days. I'm so isolated. It's only online that I can talk to people, and even then, it's few and far-between, and no one keeps up with the journals anymore.
I had some thoughts this morning, before I took my medications.
I'm scared to write, scared in case it comes out all terribly drug-induced.
PS: I was thinking about using "Air on a G-String" by Bach for my music today, but I didn't . . . and it ended up being played on the radio just after I posted this entry, lol . . .
