Confused About Plans for the Weekend
May. 27th, 2005 03:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tabular_rasaI am so confused about what I am doing this weekend. It doesn't feel like Memorial Day weekend, with being at the lake and being lazy before school lets out. It feels more like busyness and stress.
I know that I have to go to Adam Ball's open house on Saturday afternoon, and brunch with my godparents on Sunday. Then, I have to film an AP US Government project, but I don't know when, since Alice has plans, too, and we have to arrange a time (and she's being just a wee bit difficult about it . . . yes, it sucks, Alice, and it sucks for all of us, but I do care about my grade and not looking COMPLETELY like a fool in front of everyone, so just work with me on this one, please?). Liz wants to do another movie night, but she's open to the possibility that it might not happen (thank you for your flexibility! ^_^). I had also talked about doing something with Tiffany and hopefully Jessica at some point, too, like on Monday at the lake or something. Yet I don't know what is going on, and when, and who has plans when, so this makes this all difficult to plan.
Tiffany also asked me to go to her concert tonight, but unless she calls, I'm not going to go, because I don't have anyone to go with, and, though Tiffany said I could sit with her friends and her man-thing, I would feel awkward 1) trying to find them and 2) being the outsider, especially without her even there as a connecting link. I'd like to see her final concert (even if they didn't take my beautiful arrangement of "My Immortal" as a duet for her and Jamie . . . ), because I know how much it means to her, and she did ask me, but, well, I feel awkward . . . and I'm really not in an open state of mind for dealing with that. I'm in one of those stressed-out moods where I don't know whether I would just be a hermit and curl up and talk to no one and then not enjoy the concert because I would only concentrate on my loneliness and not the singing, or else I would be too bold and obnoxious and annoying while trying to sit with her friends, and be snubbed, and then feel lonely, then, too. I'm definitely on the depressive end of the mini manic-depressive wavelengths of what is life.
She also wanted me to spend the night, and then go to the zoo with her tomorrow, but I'm just not energized. I'm not really in much of a mood to deal with people I don't know well (ie her other friends which would be coming), and I wouldn't want to ruin it by going along (plus, as well as me being awkward, I think I make them feel awkward by being a third wheel and them knowing it and not wanting me to feel that way but not knowing how to fix it).
Plus I feel guilty, on one level, doing things while Nichole is in the hospital. Mom went out and bought a lot of stuff to decorate her room with (if we even CAN), and some girly magazines to read since she can't do much of anything. Mom suggested I go in and decorate it tonight, which, obviously, conflicts. Tory wants to come along, whenever I do it. I hope that they let 14-year-olds in that aren't family . . .
This year is not ending on a good note. We haven't gotten yearbooks yet, and I know there's not going to be enough time to get them signed by everyone that I want to sign mine. I also ought to attempt to get Nichole's yearbook, too, and have people sign hers for her (after all, the day before her accident, she was turning that money in-- oh, and I should find that jacket that I think she left in the Publishing room, too, lol . . . ). Yet so many of the people that I want to be sentimental about are being absolute jerkfaces. People are being selfish, and annoying. I don't want to leave hating them-- though I guess it would make that easier . . .
There is something itchy about my face. I think I am allergic to something. I have been itching it profusely all day.
Mrs. Kasa had a fit today. I don't think Robert deserved that, at all. Also, I think Andrew is right: Mrs. Kasa does hate him. It's very sad. It rather upsets me, her acting like this. Sheesh, as if we're not ALL stressed, here.
I just feel useless right now. I have so much TO do, and yet I don't really want to do any of it . . . I'm in an avoidant mood . . .
I know that I have to go to Adam Ball's open house on Saturday afternoon, and brunch with my godparents on Sunday. Then, I have to film an AP US Government project, but I don't know when, since Alice has plans, too, and we have to arrange a time (and she's being just a wee bit difficult about it . . . yes, it sucks, Alice, and it sucks for all of us, but I do care about my grade and not looking COMPLETELY like a fool in front of everyone, so just work with me on this one, please?). Liz wants to do another movie night, but she's open to the possibility that it might not happen (thank you for your flexibility! ^_^). I had also talked about doing something with Tiffany and hopefully Jessica at some point, too, like on Monday at the lake or something. Yet I don't know what is going on, and when, and who has plans when, so this makes this all difficult to plan.
Tiffany also asked me to go to her concert tonight, but unless she calls, I'm not going to go, because I don't have anyone to go with, and, though Tiffany said I could sit with her friends and her man-thing, I would feel awkward 1) trying to find them and 2) being the outsider, especially without her even there as a connecting link. I'd like to see her final concert (even if they didn't take my beautiful arrangement of "My Immortal" as a duet for her and Jamie . . . ), because I know how much it means to her, and she did ask me, but, well, I feel awkward . . . and I'm really not in an open state of mind for dealing with that. I'm in one of those stressed-out moods where I don't know whether I would just be a hermit and curl up and talk to no one and then not enjoy the concert because I would only concentrate on my loneliness and not the singing, or else I would be too bold and obnoxious and annoying while trying to sit with her friends, and be snubbed, and then feel lonely, then, too. I'm definitely on the depressive end of the mini manic-depressive wavelengths of what is life.
She also wanted me to spend the night, and then go to the zoo with her tomorrow, but I'm just not energized. I'm not really in much of a mood to deal with people I don't know well (ie her other friends which would be coming), and I wouldn't want to ruin it by going along (plus, as well as me being awkward, I think I make them feel awkward by being a third wheel and them knowing it and not wanting me to feel that way but not knowing how to fix it).
Plus I feel guilty, on one level, doing things while Nichole is in the hospital. Mom went out and bought a lot of stuff to decorate her room with (if we even CAN), and some girly magazines to read since she can't do much of anything. Mom suggested I go in and decorate it tonight, which, obviously, conflicts. Tory wants to come along, whenever I do it. I hope that they let 14-year-olds in that aren't family . . .
This year is not ending on a good note. We haven't gotten yearbooks yet, and I know there's not going to be enough time to get them signed by everyone that I want to sign mine. I also ought to attempt to get Nichole's yearbook, too, and have people sign hers for her (after all, the day before her accident, she was turning that money in-- oh, and I should find that jacket that I think she left in the Publishing room, too, lol . . . ). Yet so many of the people that I want to be sentimental about are being absolute jerkfaces. People are being selfish, and annoying. I don't want to leave hating them-- though I guess it would make that easier . . .
There is something itchy about my face. I think I am allergic to something. I have been itching it profusely all day.
Mrs. Kasa had a fit today. I don't think Robert deserved that, at all. Also, I think Andrew is right: Mrs. Kasa does hate him. It's very sad. It rather upsets me, her acting like this. Sheesh, as if we're not ALL stressed, here.
I just feel useless right now. I have so much TO do, and yet I don't really want to do any of it . . . I'm in an avoidant mood . . .
