Sadness and The Numbness of Sleep
May. 10th, 2005 05:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tabular_rasaAll day long I felt like I was going to cry today, but then I promptly came home and succombed to the spring-induced sleep of the nice day, and it all faded into a salty-mouthed numbness.
I think I wanted to cry mostly because that lady's story in Activity Period set me off. They ALWAYS have to do that, don't they? It's the "You'll die if you drink and drive at Prom" story, and they always make you cry. Well, not everyone. Plenty of kids left the room laughing. They're the ones that are going to plow into a house someday, or something. Now, I'm not ruling out the fact that I could very potentially be plowed into by a semi or another stupid, drug or alcohol-wielding kid, but I don't drink, let alone drink and drive, I drive the speed limit (mostly to the great annoyance of all my other fellow drivers), and I wear a seatbelt.
It's emotional abuse, these talks. It's punishment for something I've never done.
I sound like a mean bitch who's insensitive and selfish-- but the problem is, I'm TOO senstive. Good GOD, you can't just expect to bring in a lady who sobs out the terrible tragedy of her son and how she can't live a day without thinking of him and crying-- though, luckily, he was at least well-loved and remembered, which, sadly, is so often more the case for children than for adults, who can live their whole lives and then find when it's time to die no one cares-- and NOT expect me to be off-kilter all day. Sure, not everyone was that empathetic. Some people weren't even phased. I just . . . I just felt UCK.
Sleeping felt nice. I was vaguely aware of Tory's CD from Christina, which was really cool and I need to burn. Now I just feel like a small, vulnerable child, ready to just curl up and be protected.
Funny how when I try to fight it (ie: what I woudln't do as a child), when I try to remain conscious, I just feel sick.
I think I woke up too soon. It's like waking up from anesthesia. I just had a conversation about this with Nichole and Kristina at lunch.
I wore the same shirt as Kristina today, our yellow Hello Dolly t-shirts.
Why can't I save moving images on my computer? It just pisses me off. I have an icon I want to use, but I can't link it directly because it was too big, and when I resized it on gifworks.com I had to upload it to my server (which I don't have) to save it and ensure that it still moves. Anyone know how to remedy this? Just putting "Save Picture As . . . " never works.
Oh, also . . . my computer doesn't seem to work. I have no Buddy List anymore. This is very annoying. Hence, I'm on . . . but you can't talk to me via IM. This really bothers me.
I think I wanted to cry mostly because that lady's story in Activity Period set me off. They ALWAYS have to do that, don't they? It's the "You'll die if you drink and drive at Prom" story, and they always make you cry. Well, not everyone. Plenty of kids left the room laughing. They're the ones that are going to plow into a house someday, or something. Now, I'm not ruling out the fact that I could very potentially be plowed into by a semi or another stupid, drug or alcohol-wielding kid, but I don't drink, let alone drink and drive, I drive the speed limit (mostly to the great annoyance of all my other fellow drivers), and I wear a seatbelt.
It's emotional abuse, these talks. It's punishment for something I've never done.
I sound like a mean bitch who's insensitive and selfish-- but the problem is, I'm TOO senstive. Good GOD, you can't just expect to bring in a lady who sobs out the terrible tragedy of her son and how she can't live a day without thinking of him and crying-- though, luckily, he was at least well-loved and remembered, which, sadly, is so often more the case for children than for adults, who can live their whole lives and then find when it's time to die no one cares-- and NOT expect me to be off-kilter all day. Sure, not everyone was that empathetic. Some people weren't even phased. I just . . . I just felt UCK.
Sleeping felt nice. I was vaguely aware of Tory's CD from Christina, which was really cool and I need to burn. Now I just feel like a small, vulnerable child, ready to just curl up and be protected.
Funny how when I try to fight it (ie: what I woudln't do as a child), when I try to remain conscious, I just feel sick.
I think I woke up too soon. It's like waking up from anesthesia. I just had a conversation about this with Nichole and Kristina at lunch.
I wore the same shirt as Kristina today, our yellow Hello Dolly t-shirts.
Why can't I save moving images on my computer? It just pisses me off. I have an icon I want to use, but I can't link it directly because it was too big, and when I resized it on gifworks.com I had to upload it to my server (which I don't have) to save it and ensure that it still moves. Anyone know how to remedy this? Just putting "Save Picture As . . . " never works.
Oh, also . . . my computer doesn't seem to work. I have no Buddy List anymore. This is very annoying. Hence, I'm on . . . but you can't talk to me via IM. This really bothers me.
