It's Raining on Prom Night
May. 14th, 2004 09:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tabular_rasaWhat a mood for me to be in . . . blank. Ironic. Ha.
Also ironic that it actually IS raining, and it actually is prom night. Guess who's not going? Even the other "losers" who promised to talk to me aren't. I feel unloved. I don't like it. It's like a karmic sickness. My stomach has hurt the past couple of days.
Tomorrow I turn 17. Happy Birthday to me. What a night to be 16 for the last time.
I heard a lot of songs I liked today. A lot. As in I think it means something, or something. "Amy, What You Wanna Do?" (the only song I've heard with my name in it) and that Victory at Sea theme that we played in Youth Honors Orchestra on the Simpsons today, and a lot of songs about being 16 (and one about being 15, but hey . . . and I hear that one practically every day). Also, that Auld Lang Syne song by Dan Fogelburg that usually they only play around New Years . . . it fit so well on my birthday, though, too . . . it almost made me cry, lol . . .
Mom told me I am terribly anti-social. I do crave social interaction. I just prefer it one-on-one, where I don't have to worry about previously made groupings, and things in people's pasts. Two or more people that want to be together and don't want me. She wants me to just stroll up to a group of people and start talking, and just fit in. I don't do that. Well, I try . . . but I get up to them, and they block me out. I try to say something, and they look at me like, "Why the hell are you talking to me?" I know I'm not wanted. It's very easy to tell. I don't care so much about what they think of me, it's more I care that I'm destroying something they like. I never mind the random loner coming up and joining me when they're all alone, but then again, I am a loner myself. I understand. Other people just don't seem to like it.
The golden rule does not apply, I do not believe.
Also ironic that it actually IS raining, and it actually is prom night. Guess who's not going? Even the other "losers" who promised to talk to me aren't. I feel unloved. I don't like it. It's like a karmic sickness. My stomach has hurt the past couple of days.
Tomorrow I turn 17. Happy Birthday to me. What a night to be 16 for the last time.
I heard a lot of songs I liked today. A lot. As in I think it means something, or something. "Amy, What You Wanna Do?" (the only song I've heard with my name in it) and that Victory at Sea theme that we played in Youth Honors Orchestra on the Simpsons today, and a lot of songs about being 16 (and one about being 15, but hey . . . and I hear that one practically every day). Also, that Auld Lang Syne song by Dan Fogelburg that usually they only play around New Years . . . it fit so well on my birthday, though, too . . . it almost made me cry, lol . . .
Mom told me I am terribly anti-social. I do crave social interaction. I just prefer it one-on-one, where I don't have to worry about previously made groupings, and things in people's pasts. Two or more people that want to be together and don't want me. She wants me to just stroll up to a group of people and start talking, and just fit in. I don't do that. Well, I try . . . but I get up to them, and they block me out. I try to say something, and they look at me like, "Why the hell are you talking to me?" I know I'm not wanted. It's very easy to tell. I don't care so much about what they think of me, it's more I care that I'm destroying something they like. I never mind the random loner coming up and joining me when they're all alone, but then again, I am a loner myself. I understand. Other people just don't seem to like it.
The golden rule does not apply, I do not believe.
