Writer's Block: Let's stay friends
Apr. 4th, 2010 08:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tabular_rasa[Error: unknown template qotd]
Yes, and the reason is probably because all of my former relationships ended so amicably: we broke up because of circumstances, in both cases to avoid entering a long-distance relationship when we hadn't been dating long enough to know if it would be worth it. (Both relationships were only four months long). Since we didn't break up because of any major issues with each others' personalities, values, or lifestyle, and no great betrayals or cruelties had been enacted, it was easy to slide right into a civil platonic relationship.
That said, I was closer friends post-breakup with first ex, and that did end up backfiring when two years later he developed renewed feelings for me which I did not reciprocate. He interpreted our close friendship-- which was closer than our relationship before dating and in some ways even closer than our romantic relationship-- as encouragement and hope that he could renew a spark in me, too. He didn't accept the rejection until I started dating someone else, and then things got ugly-- and ultimately I ended up hurt pretty badly too, since I lost someone who had become a very good friend to me.
At this point, I would say both of my exes are more acquaintances than outright friends, and we *keep in touch* rather than maintain a true friendship. However, I think this might be ideal. The possibility of cutting someone totally out of my life stresses me out; it feels like a failure, like a waste of time to have spent so long with that person as a high priority in my life only to drop them out of my mind like they never existed. If someone is important to me, they stay important to me. However, if you stay too close, you risk one of you developing feelings for the other. I guess there's a happy medium.
Yes, and the reason is probably because all of my former relationships ended so amicably: we broke up because of circumstances, in both cases to avoid entering a long-distance relationship when we hadn't been dating long enough to know if it would be worth it. (Both relationships were only four months long). Since we didn't break up because of any major issues with each others' personalities, values, or lifestyle, and no great betrayals or cruelties had been enacted, it was easy to slide right into a civil platonic relationship.
That said, I was closer friends post-breakup with first ex, and that did end up backfiring when two years later he developed renewed feelings for me which I did not reciprocate. He interpreted our close friendship-- which was closer than our relationship before dating and in some ways even closer than our romantic relationship-- as encouragement and hope that he could renew a spark in me, too. He didn't accept the rejection until I started dating someone else, and then things got ugly-- and ultimately I ended up hurt pretty badly too, since I lost someone who had become a very good friend to me.
At this point, I would say both of my exes are more acquaintances than outright friends, and we *keep in touch* rather than maintain a true friendship. However, I think this might be ideal. The possibility of cutting someone totally out of my life stresses me out; it feels like a failure, like a waste of time to have spent so long with that person as a high priority in my life only to drop them out of my mind like they never existed. If someone is important to me, they stay important to me. However, if you stay too close, you risk one of you developing feelings for the other. I guess there's a happy medium.
