tabular_rasa: (Fuck!)
[personal profile] tabular_rasa
[Error: unknown template qotd]

Attraction at first sight? Of course. But love? No.

Being mutually attracted to another person is a good first step towards love, but it does not guarantee it. Love is much deeper than simply being drawn to each other from across a crowded room; you have to do a lot more than just look at someone to love them.

I was very attracted to Robert the first time I met him-- at first physically, and after talking to him, it was clear there was a lot of chemistry between our personalities, too. It's probably the closest to love-at-first-sight I'd ever experienced, in that the interest and desire to pursue was very dramatic straight out of the gate. But I didn't love him after one look, or after one night of talking. That took weeks and months of getting to know each other and sharing bonding experiences. If we'd never seen each other again, I would hardly be justified in saying I loved him; I wouldn't even know him!

At least most people I know don't believe in love at first sight; it seems mostly to be the myth of teens who haven't been in a functional relationship long enough to feel the difference between a crush and real love, or the occasional adult who wants to believe the moment of initial attraction they felt for their current partner was somehow different, special, and fated for whatever reason. (Which I don't exactly understand, because I think the fact you chose to pursue the other person and invest the time to create a history together is a much more romantic gesture than just having been fated). But I guess who can blame them, the way the media makes love out to be all in *one look* or whatever? I think instead of saying, "I knew I loved him/her at first sight," it would be healthier if people said, "I was so attracted to him/her the moment we met, I just had to see where it would go-- and it led to love."

(Too verbose? Well, get used to it. Another favorite myth about love is that you can say little or nothing at all and your partner will automatically understand you. FALSE, TRY AGAIN).

Date: 2012-02-09 05:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
"I was so attracted to him/her the moment we met, I just had to see where it would go-- and it led to love."

Yes, yes, yes!! This is what I say to correct people when people try to pay Seth and I the compliment of saying that we seem like soulmates or something or imply that we must have fallen in love at first sight because technically speaking, I left my husband at the time for him. Yeah... no. But what you said? That's exactly it. No fate involved. Just enough faith in a possibility to see it through, even over the periods where it wasn't easy or fun.

Date: 2012-02-09 12:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I agree with all of this. I really dislike the saying "love at first sight" because no, no it's not.

Date: 2012-02-09 10:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
This is such an interesting concept. I agree with everything you said... but it's almost like society is conditioning us from an early age to recognize that feeling of attraction as real love. Then, when you're grown up and actually are in love with someone then it seems weird to you because you don't constantly have that initial warm fuzzy feeling. Sometimes, you want to throw a pinecone at that loved one, but at the end of the day you still love them.

Date: 2012-02-10 03:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I didn't think of that connection, but I think you're right; I think our society does put more emphasis on the attraction/crush part of love and less on the less-obsessive, less-dramatic affection and commitment of long-term love. So when it stops feeling like giddy teen puppy-love, people tire and think, "Oh, the magic is lost; might as well move on."

Personally, I don't think of it as *real* love until there's a little more choice at play: the choice to be committed, to know the other person (both on the dark and light sides), and create a shared history together. With attraction, there's very little choice; it's just the chemicals in your brain firing off.

Lol pinecones XD

Date: 2012-02-10 03:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
"I was so attracted to him/her the moment we met, I just had to see where it would go-- and it led to love."


I think there's an instantaneous attraction - both physical and mental - that can make you more drawn to a person, which will make it easier for you to become a couple (i.e. overlooking things you might otherwise consider "dealbreakers", stuff like that). But you can't love a person instantly. I 'knew' on an emotional level pretty early on with Paul that I could spend the rest of my life with him, but I still considered it on an intellectual level for two years before actually making that commitment.

January 2015

4567 8910

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 20th, 2017 07:38 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios